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confusedI’m having a moment of clarity.

I’ve been thinking about my issues so far doing this module.  Why I haven’t wanted to do any drawing in this module, why my sketchbooks have lain virtually closed and unloved? Instead I have been whining on about “not being a good enough draughtsman”. Well

it’s crunch time, this is becoming rather thin, there are plenty of illustrators who have a naive style etc.

I came up against something similar in fine art, at the begininning, it’s all about potential, I thought that with hard work and application I could be whoever I wanted to be, the next Van Gogh for example (unrecognised genius, largely self taught, influenced by the japanese prints, yes I could relate to that). Gradually it dawned on me that I wasn’t going to be the next Van Gogh but more importantly I didn’t want to be.

That discovery made, at the same time I had a light bulb moment when someone dismissed a painting as “illustrative” and resolved to explore that pathway.  I have always loved the illustrations in books and magazines, much prefering them to photographs, and actually I got into this whole art business through a longstanding interest in drawing.  Again, the same delusion at the beginning, with lots of hard work and studying, I will become one of those illustrators I so admire. The truth of the matter is I will NEVER be the amazing draughtsman I would like to be. I have worked hard at improving my drawing skills over the years, and I have pulled them up a good few notches, however, I have never had the patience to really apply myself to painstaking, observational drawing, my boredom threshold kicks in way too soon.

I think I’ve been sulking because I will never be the type of illustrator I admired so much.

Ok, that is the first step,  the reality check.

Actually, in some ways this is more exciting, if I am not struggling to be the next Aubrey Beardsley, I am free to be myself, whatever that may be, I have already explored stuff in textiles I never thought I would do, I’m still quite surprised by my use of models in this module so far.

Where do I go from here? Essentially I have to keep plodding forward, to uncover/reach the Illustrator or Visual Communicator that I AM, as opposed to the one I thought I WANTED to be.

I need to rediscover my sketchbooks as my friends and companions, not my neglected children I’m ashamed of.

Facets of myself as an illustrator / visual communicator that I’ve uncovered so far:

I prefer a more narrative image to a more collaged surreal image although a little bit less literallness might be good.

I prefer simple graphic images to more complex, intricate images.

Things I really like and am interested in that I haven’t used in illustration yet that I don’t want to lose sight of:

patterns and patterned papers

windows

mono printing and other simple printing techniques

rubbings

textiles

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