My recent post on “ hitting the wall” sparked off an email conversation between myself and former tutor. He suggested that I was not the first student to experience this feeling and it often signified a shift or change….
Then I woke this morning and thought about my alternative career as a running ninja and the penny dropped.
Two years ago I took up running. I signed up for Park Run (5K every saturday) and bought some fancy gear, fancy shoes. What is the situation two years on? Well I have actually only been to Park Run twice. I enjoyed it but didn’t like being at the very back of the group. Instead I regularly “go for a run” about once every two weeks. That involves a brisk walk, in full Ninja running gear, in the park during which I may break into the odd sprint, or even run the last bit home. 15 to 30 mins tops. My children mock me but actually I am very happy with my level of achievment. There is an element of me that wants to be really good at everything, or I’m not playing. I wanted to be in the front runners at Park Run, and given my athletic prowess, that was never going to happen. But, at least I didn’t give up and I am now very happy with my current (realistic) fitness level.
All along I have struggled with a similar issue in Illustration, not a “fear of failure” exactly, more a “fear of mediocrity”, not being “brilliant enough”. I embarked on this last module with great enthusiasm, then in the last section an exercise didn’t go too well and that bit of me decided I had better opt out rather than “fail”.
Well, I’m on to it it now. The shift Christian was describing is the shift where I have to really commit to Illustration whatever my skill levels. Even if I’m not the next Hokusai, I think I will find a level where I feel happy.
So apologies to all my friends who have listened to me moaning about the course, I guess you will have more to come when I reenrol for Level 2 after Christmas.